Documenting me, one musing at a time.


I write for a living…

I write for a living but seldom do my words make me feel something. I think it’s a lot to do with overdoing something. The essence is killed in excess. When you keep writing and editing all day long, you tend to forget how every sentence comes with its baggage of words crafted together for … Continue reading I write for a living…

Baby steps out of bed

It took me about six months to gain enough confidence (and fight off a million fears in my head) to walk about a quarter of a kilometre outside my house, to a nearby grocery store. Before this major feat, I had only gone to the one opposite my place, a handful time in all these … Continue reading Baby steps out of bed

I know how to make that!

The one good thing that has happened to me this pandemic is that I have learnt a considerable amount of cooking.

Why can’t 2021 begin already?

Every so often a word gets stuck in my head and I use it over and over again. It’s usually something that comes with the baggage of negative connotation. For the last few weeks, actually months, it’s been fatigue. It’s this crazy feeling of being stuck. The ongoing pandemic doesn’t help matters much. Clearly. Every … Continue reading Why can’t 2021 begin already?

Trying to read

There is something about losing myself in the abyss of words, thousands at a time, that I absolutely love. I love to read. But here’s the thing. On most days, I can’t read. Even though I love the activity, sometimes I just find myself incapable of flipping through the pages, poring over the words. Sometimes … Continue reading Trying to read

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Fire

Every time I pull my hair in a bunor hold them together in a clutchI let my fingers trace my napewondering, hoping, if you would,could do the same.Sliding on mynot so slippery skinthese fingers are full of lust mine, yours, fire.

Craving home

I remember the feel of your chapped lips Upon mine. The need to love, cherish, thirst of every thrust. Skin touching mine, fingers lingering on my wounds. Complaints against my scratchy beard, betwixt sloppy kisses. Amidst chaos I learnt to navigate, trained years. Across violence, you are my home. All I crave. Today.

Being strong is exhausting

When lips utter, “Are you okay?”Meeting twins in the mirror, You wonder ifyou should lieall over again. Or give it up, accept defeat. Being strong isexhausting.

Things as they should be

With tiny fingers wrapped around mine You had held, gripped my hand just fine Twiddling little thumbs, I was psyched! Your toothless smile is what I liked. Days went by and we grew close Together with fairies, against foes They said every now and then I should tell you more about brave men How they … Continue reading Things as they should be

The edge

Stood there breathing fire fierce outside, broken inside wondering where to go,  what to do, who to be Just silence all around  to see, feel and touch  and sobs to engulf the little of what’s left   Waiting for it to swell and eat it all up as whole to rise again from ashes seems … Continue reading The edge

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#NaPoWriMo | Day 30 | Finale

i wanted this year to be differentand it wasjust not in a palatable waytoo sour, this saucebut alas, i am herewith the last of this songat the finish linea survivor(?) all along

#NaPoWriMo | Day 29 | One day at a time

from traveling hours for officeto rolling in bed to open lappyfrom remembering train schedulesto forgetting the days of the weekfrom putting on earringsto living in t-shirt and pyjamasfrom flipping through new piecesto dreading trending topicsfrom feeling sort of sortedto floating in an abyss so this is what it means to liveone day at a time?

#NaPoWriMo | Day 28 | Fear

it’s crazy how ingrained is the fearwhich governs our livesthat mistakes cannot happennot even slightevery day, every minuterequires constant vigilance, no delete button in strideit’s crazy how every movephysical, emotional, virtualis mired with dilemmasof in between, of death and lifeeverything is over-thoughtover-contemplated, over-feltfor abusers and oppressorsare almost always disguisedas lovers and lovely fellowsdeepening flaws thataren’t … Continue reading #NaPoWriMo | Day 28 | Fear

#NaPoWriMo | Day 27 | Tapri

every tapri tells us a talemine is one spread across several of themone right outside a place i call homewhere i found meone miles away from homewhere i found usone i (used to) walk by everydaywhere enveloped in lonely comforti found me, again

#NaPoWriMo | Day 26 | Familiar

i wasn’t a reader until i met youi had never been in lovei didn’t know there could bemagic in wordsyou held me thenas you hold me nowthe familiarity of the hallwaysthe shelter of the hatthe bravery of the swordthat could pierce throughthe darkest of veilsyou are the calming draughti keep close in vialsthe charm, the … Continue reading #NaPoWriMo | Day 26 | Familiar

#NaPoWriMo | Day 25 | Easy

it’s weird how most peoplewith whom i can be my most true selfexist in my life virtually may it be the him whosaw through the pretenceand diagnosed a closeted masochistor the cutest her who never failsto be relatable, no matterhow weird or varied the crisis exclusive rants run cyclesdeep seated anxieties often quietenthere are grunts … Continue reading #NaPoWriMo | Day 25 | Easy

#NaPoWriMo | Day 24 | Major Missing

maybe it’s the touchor the voiceor bothor maybe just the feelingof being looked atwith love maybe it’s the rushor the noiseor bothor maybe just the feelingof catching the right trainwithout a run maybe it’s the hopeor the plansor bothor maybe just the feelingof becoming morewith 2020 maybe it’s just me,who i am #MajorMissing

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