#NaPoWriMo | Day 29 | One day at a time

from traveling hours for office
to rolling in bed to open lappy
from remembering train schedules
to forgetting the days of the week
from putting on earrings
to living in t-shirt and pyjamas
from flipping through new pieces
to dreading trending topics
from feeling sort of sorted
to floating in an abyss

so this is what it means to live
one day at a time?

#NaPoWriMo | Day 28 | Fear

it’s crazy how ingrained is the fear
which governs our lives
that mistakes cannot happen
not even slight
every day, every minute
requires constant vigilance,
no delete button in stride
it’s crazy how every move
physical, emotional, virtual
is mired with dilemmas
of in between, of death and life
everything is over-thought
over-contemplated, over-felt
for abusers and oppressors
are almost always disguised
as lovers and lovely fellows
deepening flaws that
aren’t worth even shallow

#NaPoWriMo | Day 26 | Familiar

i wasn’t a reader until i met you
i had never been in love
i didn’t know there could be
magic in words
you held me then
as you hold me now
the familiarity of the hallways
the shelter of the hat
the bravery of the sword
that could pierce through
the darkest of veils
you are the calming draught
i keep close in vials
the charm, the swish
the keeper, the wish
the feather in my quill
i love you boy,
thanks for living
and not just surviving
i will try to do the same

#NaPoWriMo | Day 25 | Easy

it’s weird how most people
with whom i can be my most true self
exist in my life virtually

may it be the him who
saw through the pretence
and diagnosed a closeted masochist
or the cutest her who never fails
to be relatable, no matter
how weird or varied the crisis

exclusive rants run cycles
deep seated anxieties often quieten
there are grunts and groans
and plenty tough love
maybe that’s why it feels
real and raw
much needed home

one i haven’t met at all
one not enough
but it’s crazy how they make
my life so easy(ier)

#NaPoWriMo | Day 24 | Major Missing

maybe it’s the touch
or the voice
or both
or maybe just the feeling
of being looked at
with love

maybe it’s the rush
or the noise
or both
or maybe just the feeling
of catching the right train
without a run

maybe it’s the hope
or the plans
or both
or maybe just the feeling
of becoming more
with 2020

maybe it’s just me,
who i am #MajorMissing

#NaPoWriMo | Day 23 | Emptiness

i miss the noise of my street
the hustle bustle
the movement of people

there is this crazy need
bubbling through my veins
to keep up the faith
that this heavy feeling
in my heart, on my street
will be lifted before
the arrival of Ganpati

i await monsoon this year
like i have never before
maybe only the rain
can wash away
this emptiness

#NaPoWriMo | Day 22 | Bath

there is something about a bath
and the way it helps with fatigue
cold soapy water sliding over skin
killing for a while, all that’s intrigue

especially when it’s 2 am
and its the best (only) weapon if your kitty
you get to work with all gusto
hoping it would help, even if just a bitty

the floor is scrubbed clean
till hands start to feel sore
it elongates process, passes time
in a fruitless attempt to do more

after the deed, one black t-shirt
replaces another
just as the feeling of renewal
sets in, against all other

self-care is important
or so i have heard them say
well, efforts do seem worthy
when i bathe in anticipation of May

#NaPoWriMo | Day 21 | April

i had sincerely hoped
for this April to be better,
an oddity wrapped in warmth
away from my life’s norm
to be able to write something fancy
and not document my woes
but alas, lockdown happened
making this month, this year
just as tiring as the ones before
resilience drawer is all stocked
but patience sure is thinning
as privileges stare me in the face
i wonder how long they will stay